How to Avoid Being Misunderstood
29. Learn Michael Thompson's 5 part storytelling structure.
“Pencils down” still makes me shudder.
I found myself thinking about click-clacking, wobbly desk chairs. They run through my mind more often than they should.
My left thumb fidgeted with the ring on my middle finger. And on my zoom screen,
was describing his storytelling technique.
1. “Transport the reader out of their world and into yours”
When I heard him say it, I reached for my notebook.
Slightly bleary-eyed, it was midnight for him. Still, he smiled warmly from a dimly lit room in Spain. He wore a casual yellow sweatshirt, not unlike my green hoody on the other side of the screen in Vermont.
He continued, “ you need to give them something they can identify with…and do it fast”.
2. “Introduce a way for them to identify with the story”
I thought of an excerpt from his book I’d read recently.
An emotional encounter led him to storm out of his office. A direct report had just said they couldn’t work with him. Michael grew up with a stutter and his new employee was concerned because of how their clients might react.
Listening to Michael describe his process for writing stories like that one, I was reminded that I’ve been tinkering with how to write communicate since having a panic-induced breakdown in elementary school.
3. “Disarm them by inviting them, not talking at them”
Mike suggests, “write it how you said it to yourself”.
This one’s big. I even underlined it with my pen. My mind jumped quickly while I scribbled.
4th grade was all about writing 5 paragraph essays.
That wasn’t where my inner voice learned to scream at me. But it was where it started sounding a lot more cruel. People scream at the top of their eyes, not their lungs. And it’s because being misunderstood comes from explaining why we felt it without first sharing how it made us feel.
And Michael Thompson, on the other side of the world, tossed me that realization. I didn’t see it coming, but I couldn’t unsee it.
“If they know how it’s connected, they’ll get why it matters”, we think.
It's the opposite.
Start with why. Let them ask how.
Feeling misunderstood creates a craving for connection while feeling safer in isolation. But only if we let it convince us. And for a long time, I did.
As a kid with undiagnosed ADHD, I was always scrambling to keep up. In classrooms where you could actually hear the clock ticking, I’m still curious about who noticed my brain overheating and my heart trying to jump out of my chest via my throat.
That’s why Michael Thompson’s writing grabs and holds my attention.
4. “Connect with them by showing them”
“Trying to tell them never works as well as showing them” he continued.
He grew up fascinated by a country song’s ability to tell a story in one line.
I never finished those essays on time, which meant I always had to take them home.
And thus began my lifelong tetris game of stacking and restacking to-do lists for the perpetual tomorrow.
Why do we do that to kids? Why do we keep doing that to ourselves as adults?
And, for fucks sake, why do we try to hide it from the world as if every other person around us isn’t also rolling that boulder up the hill every day?
Templates, tools, and systems are great — they make it possible to chunk and batch our work so we can sweat a little less each day.
The upside is how we can clip and rip our way to “done” a whole lot faster.
The downside, for an ADHD fella like me, is just how bland and unremarkable my templated work can be when I only use the building blocks of that kid who was scrambling to keep up.
5. Make it memorable for them.
“Hammer home the takeaway”. He said it casually, but wow did it drip with significance.
“The ending is the time to make it real clear why you introduced it at the beginning and explained it during the middle”, Michael said.
For stories, he focuses on creating emotional impact. For informative pieces, he likes to provoke a thought the reader will undoubtedly take with them.
Michael Thompson helped me realize that my writing has always been some version of:
“hey, look, see I did it and I know this thing and I’m telling you so you’ll know, too. Assuming you don’t already know, which, if you do then nvm lol jk I was just making sure you knew because I sneaky just figured it out 30 seconds ago and am pretty excited about it. BUT only if it’s something worth being excited about and not something basic that I should’ve known years ago”
The one very important unlock here is that I only ever published things that sounded like the first sentence.
I was afraid of being seen.
You know the feeling. We all do.
The heart-sinking realization that they’ve stopped listening.
Bravery isn’t about being confident. It’s about being vulnerable. Bravery means doing it when you’re afraid of what it will cost you.
There’s something you’re not sharing with the world.
Because you’re scared of what the world might say.
Well, what if the world thanked you for sharing?
The 5 part storytelling structure used by "Shy By Design" author, Michael Thompson.
Transport the reader out of their world and into yours.
Introduce a way for them to identify with the story.
Disarm them by inviting them, not talking at them.
Connect with them by showing them.
Make it memorable for them.
Read his work. Buy his book. Take his lessons with you.
talk soon.
Thank for being here. See you next time.
onward.
-dmac
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Hey Derek thank you so much for this. I'll be coming back to read the comments your post started for sure on rainy days as they really took me back. I'm always so worried about video as it's not my comfort zone but your thoughtful take aways (and really great writing skills) helps me to keep at it. Much love again for this and so glad to be connected on here. Onwards - Miichael
I recently became aquatinted with Michael Thompson. I saw him in a talk and he inspired me by his storytelling information. Thank you for sharing this.